Rick Peterson’s wearing the hell out of those pants and other baseball fashions

Wearing your drink holder is so this season. 

Hang with ‘em Brewers! welcomes guest blogger, Megan. All season Megan has questioned the fashion sense of today’s major leaguer, generally, and Rick Peterson, specifically. Today she channeled her inner Joan Rivers (Fashion Police) to share her thoughts with us. Hang on kids, you’re in for a snarky good time. (Apparently she also captured my random rants. Sorry.)

I too have my skinny pants on, Rick, just for you. Megan here, Rachel’s younger sister, guest blogging for today’s game. I don’t get to watch many Brewers games, as I am also a Brewer fan amongst the Twins nation (who are even more obnoxious now that they are making the playoffs), and I do not have the same dedication that Rachel has to buy Extra Innings and watch. I do watch games here and there and try to make it to Miller Park at least once every season. I don’t think my boyfriend, Ben, would tolerate it as well as Seth either, granted he could probably disappear into the interwebs (he’s pretty good with the internets) and forget that I am watching baseball for any length of time.

Anyway, back to baseball fashion 2010. What is going on with those stupid hemp-baseball-looking necklaces? Is this “in dedication” of anything? That’s a pretty crummy dedication.  It looks like to two shoelaces twisted together. Lame. Go back to the guido-looking gold chains, please.

TATTOOS, granted baseball players are a little late to the party, behind basketball and football players, the art is just as questionable. Rock & BA just commented on the arrow on the forearm of Red’s pitcher, Homer Bailey, stating it will be “sagging” in the future and possibly pointing in a whole new direction. But neck tattoos are the worst! Nothing says, “I’m planning for the future” like a good neck tattoo. It’s probably a sign that they are a shitty parent; can’t show up to a dance recital, but the fact that your kids’ name is on your neck TOTALLY makes up for it.

And your full arm sleeves really let me know how hardcore you really are.

Rachel “You (Gomez) have to f@cking score this run.” (He did not end up scoring, despite taking third with no outs.)

And the tat, or should I say that ink scribble, your friend gave you when you were 16, with questionable methods, please get it removed. Newsflash, you’re a pro athlete and you have the money now. The uniform is a bit limiting to showing (off) their tats, but there are some out there that are tasteful.

Off of the field, please leave your Ed Hardy Smedium-sized shirts at home. Only women and children should wear anything with rhinestones, glitter, or sheen on them. (That means you too, Ryan Braun, even if you’re my sister’s summer BF.) Unless you’re a guido, I guess that‘s acceptable. The rhinestones just go with your orange skin and muscles. FIST PUMP!

On to the pants. I know Rick got the memo that skinny jeans, jeggings, and leggings are still hot this season, however, I don’t think baseball pants are on that list. Granted, I think Rick has been wearing those moose-knuckle (yes, that’s camel toe for men if you didn’t already know, also known in Urban Dictionary as “f@ck boys”) inducing pants for a long time, even during the grunge era. Maybe that’s just his form of birth control.

“Noooo, it’s Homer Bailey! Why can’t you get a hit?” (as Corey Hart strikes out.) Fist-Bump - Braun hits a double to score Weeks and ties it at 2.

Or maybe it’s like that woman or man in your office that will never stop wearing the high-waisted, tapered acid-wash jeans (although sometimes they complete the Canadian Tux with a jean jacket). They’re nice, but they’ll never trade those in for a nice, dark-wash, bootcut pair. Rick, I hope you change your ways and trade that size 27 pants for 29’s in the future, but I’m not holding my breath. Well, I guess we can taunt him with our familiar chant “Hey Rick Peterson, YOUR PANTS ARE UNREASONABLY TIGHT!”

Joe West (cowboy?) eyes up Votto and nearly tosses him after calling strike 3 in the top of the 6th. Wow, my sister knows the Umps names. She is really into this. (She was taunting Angel, the first base ump, by mispronouncing his name)

“Go f@ck yourself, Stubbs!” - Rachel

“Hey Stubbs, is that what your wife calls it too?!” – Seth (Stubbs caught Escobar’s hit at the track. Heckling is the most pure form of cheering.)

“I don’t like this version of Kameron Loe.” - Rachel, after back-to-back home runs during the top of the 8th.

Where’s the drunk sombrero guy? He’s got good fashion sense.

“Swing the f@cking bat, asshole.” - Rachel as Bruce gets walked.

Bring out the rally caps. I’m not sure if I feel strongly about the rally hat. (Ooooo Rick Peterson sighting, shoulder rub, a few words, and some claps. He might have a mullet going on, I suppose it is to match his tight pants. Makes sense.) Back to the rally cap. I know I would never wear one sober. But I think it’s a good sign of faith by the fans, but heckling is better.

I don’t suppose there is any better fashion that winning, which the Brewer’s failed to do this evening. And I’m up past my bedtime. Damn.

Reds 5, Brewers 2

Game played 9-20-10